Another stab at graphic art!

Ok so I took another stab at the graphic art thing. I have to admit I like what I am doing. It's not unusual as I usually like, but it is satisfying to create these images from photos that I set up take and edit. Creativety comes in all forms. I want to transform these images to canvas and free form paint on them.

A very exciting day!

Today was an interesting day to say the least. I was contacted by a gentleman who is on the board of the San Antonio Fiesta Commitee. Apparantly he has seen some of my work, and is interested in having me submit an original piece for consideration in the 2009 San antonio for the Arts foundation's Annual Poster. I worked on this all day. In typical fashion I did it quickly. Not too quickly though. It's the first time I have done something like This. I have a friend named Candy Flores, who graciously and, at last minute allowed me to photograph her. This is what I came up with. It is an original photograph digitaly manipilated into what I think is a striking image. I really got into this and plan to do more of it!

A new hope!

My friends, I must say with heartfelt joy that we as a people of this great land have spoken, all at once we shouted from the top of our voices WE CAN! I sat tonight a humble participant of a process I doubted...and yet a silent figure took my heart by storm.. A figure not of a newly elected beacon of hope. You see I sat tonight with a visage of human strength. A rock beyond comprehension. I sat with my mother, barely able to move, and yet she sat there with strength beyond my own bodies comprehension. I watched her shed tears for a new generation, not her own. I felt in my own heart a sense of new found duty. A duty to serve and make a change. Make a change worth living for. I put my son to sleep tonight with a resurrected glince of hope. He so joyfully at eight years of age pronounced that WE had won. It is truly he that won tonight. My hope is that he will not have to bear the misgivings of a nation that tonight has passed him by. He may never know the division that has been so abhorrently evident in the last 18 months. My son, my champion, my shining ray of hope may see a world better than that of the past. I am truly humbled. Those of you out there that know me know this to be true. I love my country, I love my life, I love my son, and above all I love my mom! Thank you President Obama because I love you too!

Victory is within our Grasp! Thank you AMERICA!

Long and hard is the road to victory and oh my lord it is within our grasp!

The dawn of a new day and hopefully a new era.....

Good morning America......For the sake of our children, do the right thing....For one another, do the right thing....For our brave troops abroad, please do the right thing....The world is watching....Don't let her down....

Countdown on a reign of terror 7 days to go

This is how I feel about the man. Your comments are appreciated. This is a very serious election please vote responsibly.

9 day's to go! a few Mcaniac musings whist I am away!

LOL! enough said? How's your weekend going?

Same shit Different Asshole! 10 day's and Counting America!!

So bloggers I am finally getting a little break from reality tommorrow and will be fishing in the Gulf of Mexico until Sunday evening! I am going with my brother in law, So If I am not back on Monday it means I treading water out there somewhere. I am taking my camera so i will have lots of pictures! Have a great weekend!

11Day's and Counting Major Threat No More!

This is classic stuff Check it out!







My Contempt for George W Bush in 05-06, when I painted this piece, was as strong as it is today. Well Thank goodness his reign is but 12 days from being over! I really hope that America has learned it's lesson. I hope that we all open our eyes on November 5th, and awaken to a brighter future for our children. I hope that Hope wins out in the end. The song that will remain on my blog until the election is decided. It is by Nine Inch Nails (Trent Reznor) off of their Year Zero album. It is an anti Bush song to the core. It will remain here till he is gone! It is titled The begining of the end. Strange but it's also the only song I listen to whilst painting. Life is strange no doubt!

The Countdown will begin! 13 DAYS!!! to FREEDOM

I am pleased that the election is winding down. I have been a direct participant in this years election process and win or lose it was a great experience. To see the nation rally for change is a good thing. Hope every ones week goes well!

Oh Where Oh Where has my lil blog Gone?

Wow! It's been quite some time since my last post. Thanks all for not bombarding me with hate mail, all 2 of you! lol! So.....It's been a very grueling 2-3 weeks here in San Antonio. For me, work has been very brisk. Long days.......sleep.....long days......sleep. In between I eat! The Housing market here is bustling. Contrary to the rest of the country we are selling homes like wild here.


I am proud to inform you all that Riot Kitty received her painting! She sent me a picture of it hanging in her living room, and I must say I am proud! A gentleman named Keith Terry was kind enough to purchase "Wintermint" at a charity auction for the Samm Ministry here in San Antonio. I donated it and am pleased it went to a lover of abstract impressionism. The Samm Ministries here, provide shelter for abused women. Mr. Terry happens to be that organizations Director.


The weather here is beginning to finally turn a bit more like fall. I love this time of year more than any other. I think it's time to photograph some stuff.

Barrack Obama is doing well right now. I hope he continues on his present course. My sister Patti has been under the weather this week. If she reads this as I am sure she will.....GET WELL SOON SIS!......!!!!! <3!

Craving a bagel!

Hmm. Random thoughts of hoagies and bagels, yes that is today's blog theme. Total unadulterated randomness. I am feeling the nice breeze of fall coming. Here in the South it comes much later than normal, so I may be just wishing it here!

Have you ever wondered where all the flour in the air around a New York City bakery goes? Ok if you have never been to the city, Trucks pump flour into holds located beneath NYC bakeries. As they do this early in the mornings there is always a hazy cloud of white flour clouds. Where does the flour go?

Ok something else, I donated a piece for a charity auction this weekend. It was "wintermint". I am pleased to have been able to do this. P.S Riot Kitty's painting is in Oregon today! Woo Hoo!

My mom won at bingo a day ago! Ya! She's doing so much better. I am so happy to see her progress!

I am about to paint again soon! Woo Hoo! ya!

I am generally happy right now!

Winter is coming! Ya! i LOVE THE WINTER!

Miami I s around the corner! Ya!

A curious little piece I put together.  Give me your take!

Mi vida Loca

Hello out there! I have been distant, I have been absent, I am strange, passionate and above all mysteriously weird! I am also funny. Not many of you know the quirky side of me, or the business side of me either. Most of you only know the dark side of me, but there is a very bright and sunny side of me as well. 

My life the last six months has been incredibly hard. My parents needed my help and still do, so I agreed at great personal loss to assist them both. My father has told me that my presence with them has greatly improved their life and that makes me very happy. My choice to move back home and help them has dramatically changed my life. My professional life has gone through a very rough period as well. I sell New Homes and It has been a very rough period for my industry. I have persevered in all of the above. I weathered the business storm, and am doing well as of late. Financially the rewards will cascade in, in about 3 months. That is a relief! I work hard to self promote my art as well, It is a crazy dream that I want to realize. 

What is a typical day for me like? Well I get up at about 7:30 am get ready for work drink coffee, talk to a special friend, and open my office. I work until 7pm, head home, and relieve my dad in caring for my mom until 10 pm. I usually go online for an hour read my emails.....Hey why does every viagra vendor on the planet want to sell me their product??? Oh not to mention the slurry of Russian women that want to make their groom? I am pretty popular in the Ukraine from the amount of spam proposals I get! Lol! I go to bed and start it all over. I don't have much time for anything else. I have a lil bar i go to from time to time named Spanky's. I relax sing Karaoke and hang out with friends. I don't paint much now as I have no space to do so. That is a big thing with me. I really want to rent a space. I will do that sometime soon I hope. I am not complaining but yesterday I relaxed and played poker all night.I was with my friends and we drank way too much. Boy today was rough as my hangover was intense. Whew I made it! Never underestimate the power of friendship! 

A very special friend talked me home and made sure I was ok, and actually talked to me for nearly 2 hours as I was in a state of groggy fuzzy haze. I won't be doing that again anytime soon I assure you all. I am happy to be feeling normal again. I know this is random but .....Well I am pretty random! I had a local realtor ask me to donate a painting for a silent auction benefiting the family of Mike Coolbaugh. A local minor league coach that was tragically killed last year in a freak accident on the field in Oklahoma. I went to High School with his brother Scott, who was a Major league player for many years. I accepted without hesitation. I am not looking for any networking in this one. I feel honored to be able to help in a small way. I love red wine, and green eyes. I am genuine, and foolish at times. Who isn't? I have a blogger friend that inspires me to be more than I think I can be. Without knowing it she pushes me closer to my goals every day. Its nice to have such a strong voice of reason in my life. Sometimes critical, sometimes not. Always there, and always interesting. Thanks Ileana! Was that random?

The full moon

Was that a beautiful full moon the other night or what?  I hope everyone in blogger land is doing well.  I am working quite hard lately to sell homes as the market has picked up recently.  Long hours and alot of effort!  I hope that all is well out there.  I have some great material for you all to contemplate coming soon!

The DeEvolution of America

I finally figured out how to get my lil movie onto youtube!  It only took a week or so.  I hope you enjoy.  It is not a cheery type of short film nor is it gloomy.  However it does make a statement of our troubled times.  Sorry it took so long.  I know a few of you were awaiting its arrival.  Such is the life of a would be artist....

S.O.S. America

This is an extremely rough first try at videography and editing. I will get better. It is titled "S.O.S. America". It was difficult for me to film and post my scar (cancer) but I did.

Post Script: In answer to my blogger buddy Shionge: I had a great time doing this. I have always wanted to do interesting little clips like this, I was watching the republican national convention just prior to putting it together, so.......maybe that was it. Most of my creativity comes out morose or angry or muted. However that doesn't mean I am any of those at the time of creation. Just reflective maybe. :-) Fun Times ahead!

Words

This is a poem I found quite intriguing. No meaning behind or in it really, just a really nice poem. The video was of me of course just listening..Tell me about how words affect you in your day to day life? Words we all speak them, some of us listen others just speak. Words can be beautiful, angry, heartfelt, and shallow. Words can describe life or not...... What do these words mean to you?

All Aboard!

In the purest sense I am spontaneous at best. So begins a journey that I am taking in late November. I have secured passage on an adventure! I love adventure, and travel. Where am I off to?? A few places actually. I will be leaving San Antonio Texas en route to Chicago Illinois. I have a life long friend there named Jarrod Spadino. He and I were in the US Navy Together. He lives in Highland Park Illinois.I left him a message last night to let him know that I would love to have lunch with him in downtown Chicago. (Union Station is in the heart of Chicago). It will take 37 hours by train which by the way is really the ONLY way to travel. From There i will be off to Our Nations Capital! I have a friend there as well. Her Name is Shadi Bahar-Azir. I have known her for 20 years. She was my best friend, David Shaw's' Girlfriend. we have always stayed in contact. I let her and her husband know of my trip last night, and we will also be having lunch at the American Cafe in Georgetown. (DC) So far so good! My final destination will be Miami Florida. I have been there once before. I have a wonderful friend there that I will also be having lunch with. You can say that this is a lunch mini vacation if you will. New friends and old. I will be taking photographs and am certain I will get some great shots. the whole trip will last almost 9 days for a few precious moments with friends. I feel it is well worth the time! Also there is nothing like traveling with a set agenda that isn't so set ya know? I am free to do what I please. I can get out in Oklahoma City, Cleveland Ohio, Kansas City Missouri, Charleston South Carolina, Savannah Georgia, or Orlando Florida. I will be stopping in all these cities with enough time to eat and wander a bit. A photographers dream! I am extremely excited. You all will be right there with me. I did this in Europe with friends once. Actually Jarrod from Chicago was with me and 4 others we did the euro rail from Naples Italy to Cannes France. this time it will be just me. Me and a friend. It will be the best 8 hours of my life! keep you all posted.

Woo Hoo!

Ok so I bought this sweet little video camera today,and have already made some long vids. Here is a test! I am editing the long ones so they will be up later tonight! Peace!

Let it rain!

There definitely is something to be said about the rain. To preface this post, some of our fellow bloggers' out there are about to be hit with a lot of rain, so to them I say keep dry, safe, and warm. That said It finally rained here in San Antonio. I love the smell of fresh rain. I had a really beautiful experience today that I would like to share with you. It hasn't rained here significantly in quite some time. I was cleaning the pool today when out of the corner of my eye I caught glimpse of something swimming in the pool. It was a perfectly happy and content frog! Let me tell ya as frogs go this one was really cute. I watched him swim for about 10 minutes, and then decided that he might need to get out. I scooped him out and to my amazement he didn't hop off. He just kinda stayed there. I was looking at him and I swear he was looking back at me as if to say thank you. I shared a really tranquil moment with that frog, and it got me thinking of how lucky I was. Lucky to have a fantastic son. Lucky to have the greatest parents in the world. Lucky to have my two sisters. lucky to have friends that care about me. I decided that my new friend and I needed another swim. So what do you think I did? I got in the pool and swam with a frog! It was a first for me. We swam for about 30 minutes. I have to tell you it was really amazing swimming with that frog. Afterwards I put him in the yard and watched him do what all frogs do. He hopped off into the bushes and I felt good knowing that for at least a brief moment man and frog understood one another. I wonder if he remembers me this evening like I remember him?

"Fury"

Ok
Ok I have recieved many emails asking what it is. A few have made guesses. Good ones at that I have included a very rough outline of what is actually there. Its me! It's what I concieved as my own image.

Man! This is what a professional photographer can do. Now this is what my stuff really looks like! Now this I am proud Of! well I am proud of em all, but Wow I have goose bumps!

Reality or Fantasy?

Jackson Pollock was a prolific artist. One of my inspiring artists. The above painting is tittled "Autumn Rhythm" It is my favorite Pollock. I had the opportunity to view it in the summer of 1989 in New York city at MOMA. I often wonder what it must have felt like to create such a masterpiece. Studying Pollocks history is interesting beyond words. Jackson was a talented Painter outside of his drip paintings which of course, were not embraced early on in the 40's and 50's. Somewhere, sometime Jackson found either through trial or error, that he was on to something that captured his discontent for the Art world around him. I have watched many, and I mean many films of Jackson actually creating these immense pieces. Wish I could have assisted him. Its like a symphony of destruction. Abstract Impressionism took the world by storm after World War II and New York City replaced Paris as its' Art Mecca.


Pollock had a penchant for booze, cigarettes, and women. It's funny how such a complex being was ruled and guided by such simple vices. Aren't we all? He also loved Jazz, which he listened to incessantly whilst slinging paint. I have often dreamed of procuring a space that I could Live and Paint in. A studio to end all studio's. Warhol's' "Factory" comes immediately to mind. I am going to spend the next 2 years extracting from the Real Estate market everything that I can. I will have my dream. I will stop at nothing to get it. I can see it. I can feel it! So with that said I need my blogger's help. I need to figure a way to get a major viewing in a LARGE metropolitan city. New York, LA or Chicago. I have a friend in Tampa Florida that is involved in the arts there, but I am squeamish to ask for assistance. Does anyone out there know of a curator or collector that might be interested in taking a chance on an unknown? There are many ways to finance this. I was thinking of spamming a million people with the promise of 30,000,000 pounds in an Iraqi bank vault, but then I thought , No that never works. All it will take I think is the right individual seeing the right piece at the right time. My Father has always been a businessman. He never really supported nor knew much about my painting. It was not until recently that he even saw one of my paintings. That's the way it has been for me and my passion. It has always been concealed. Always hidden. He once told me at the height of my Real Estate career that I couldn't serve two gods. His view has changed dramatically. Something opened his eyes recently. I received a check in the mail, and he was amazed. He said I can't believe someone sent you money by mail for a painting! I have been paid for work in the past and this event wasn't unheard of to me, but for him it was an Epiphany. The only thing that stops me from going full force is of course money. Does anyone out there know of grants that might be available?

You see I want to drop out and do this permanently. My 2 year plan might turn into 5 or 10 years, but it will happen none the less. I have been studying art out there for quite sometime. All of it amazing. I have come to the conclusion that mine is no better or worse than some of the best out there, which brings me back to Jackson. Pollock found something unusual, and he ran with it. I may have the same opportunity. If I act. San Antonio is inundated with spectacular talent art wise that is. My work is a bit different. I have the booze, I have the cigarettes, I may even from time to time have the women. What I need is a friendly eye to make it happen!

A lil More of # 1

I don't want to give too much away at this point as this piece is sold and I want it to be a surprise. But it's coming along nicely. Sorry I haven't posted more but will soon. I am experimenting with sleeping pills tonight so do not be alarmed! I haven't been sleeping well as I have had allot on my mind lately. Not to worry though its been great stuff I assure you. Beautiful stuff actually. My mind is happy, but tired. so I took an ambien and I feel really relaxed. So goodnight! kaaan jkfgvvv n;kj/4ewpkjg******* See!!!! it works! Goodnight all. I am sure I will dream well tonight.

More of # 1

So here is a sneak peek into #1 on the left is a lil newsprint that I married together. I rather liked the atonement. On the right is a lil more of the raw canvas. Keep in mind that this is stage 1 of many. This one will change and morphe as I go on. I am taking time on these now as my work environment and schedule have changed. I am used to churning and burning. I am going to coddle these a bit. Stay tuned!.....................................

So the time has come

Yes the time has finally arrived. I am going to try to chronicle the birth of a painting here. I may succeed or I might fail. In any event I ask you to join me in this beautiful Odyssey. The accompanying picture is just a quick snap of the start of #1. There will be about 30 layers when all is said and done. I always put in newsprint and other oddities in my work. They are buried deep beneath layers of color. Usually only I know they are there. I keep a journal of each piece to remind me of whats underneath. The recipients of my work undoubtedly never realize whats underneath. Little hidden treasures of immortality I suppose.

The feeling I get as I touch the canvas is almost unbelievable. Its like electricity. it's life itself. My ipod hits my ears and a whole new world opens itself before me. That first taste of an ice cold beer gets my blood pumping. I hear the rhythmic beats of the drums screaming through my artificial courage, which is music. Let the dance begin. Stay tuned.............

My Lil Buddy

It seems funny and strange how life comes at you. Sometimes slow, and other times full steam ahead. Right now it's full steam ahead. I have a special new friend whose name is Jocelyn. Before I even knew there was a nickname for her name I called her "Jossy". It fit. She and I have a really unique connection. First off she is an artist like myself. She is a photographer. I had the privilege to view a small portion of her portfolio, and let me tell you it really blew me away. She has the type of personality that I would describe as "open".

That is what she and I have. We can do or say anything in each others presence. The time that I get around her is really incredible. We went out to an arts gathering last week. There were hundreds of people there that night, and yet she was the only one there in my eyes. We had a magical night. The atmosphere was fantastic, and the company was angelic. I took this photo of her last night, and I gave her this painting. I haven't shown it here before, but it is my best, and it's my favorite. She is deserving of it. She and I connect on many different levels. My brain goes into a different mode when I speak with her. It's extremely hard to find people like her. Actually I haven't found one yet. Except for now. We started out talking and I think that is the key. We talk about everything and sometimes for hours. So as I write this I am actually on the phone with her. When does that happen. I laugh because she knows I am writing this, and she said " your typing fast now. Well I am going to end this by thanking my friend for being who she is. She has changed my outlook on things in so many different ways.

Young Love

It's been a short time since I have last posted. I have been consumed by a few things in my life. Good things! I am preparing to paint again, so that is always exciting. I have met someone that at first looked like it was going south, however it came around full circle and is going quite well. So all in all life is ok....just ok. Why is that? I started thinking about this question, and it occurred to me that I over compare all of my relationships to my last big one. I don't think this is abnormal either. All of us had a "first love", but my ex wasn't by any means my "first love". I had loved many times before meeting her. I had just returned to San Antonio from the East Coast. I enrolled into college. I was 24 years old.

First day of classes arrives. I remember being excited as I had been living in a really cool apartment very close to campus. It had beautiful wall to wall cherry oak floors. It looked like a mini gallery. I have always had a knack for decorating. Being a painter has never hurt my surroundings. So here I am Mr. Hip off to class.

Towards the end of my day, I sauntered into my first day of Sociology 101. I remember my professors last name was Mota. In Spanish that means marijuana, I always found that funny. About 10 minutes into class in walked the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. She had loosely curling dark brown hair well past her shoulders. She was dressed to kill in a tight grey body suit with a black "A" line skirt. I even remember what shoes she was wearing, they were pewter sandals with red blue and green jewels on them. I remember thinking wow! Her most striking feature were her eyes and eyebrows. They were perfectly manicured dark rectangles. Very striking. Definitely out of my league. So as the year went on I always noticed her on campus. Always with the same nerdy fella. My friends and I refereed to her as the "sweater queen".

One day I was caught trapped in an elevator with her. Just she and I for 3 floors. All of 45 seconds. I stared down at my feet the whole time. I never said a word. She politely acknowledged me and reminded me that we had sociology together. She also asked if she could borrow some notes as she noticed that I took lots of them. We agreed to meet at the laughlin library to exchange notes. Later she would remind me that it was my petrified in her presence, shy demeanor that attracted her to me. She passed sociology that semester. With a little help from her shy friend she received a "C". I never purchased the required text and received a "B". I know now she was my first True love. The first song you hear here today is the song we chose as our "First Dance" at our wedding reception. I remember it well.

She of course is the mother of my son. I spoke with her today, and as we talked she asked how I was doing in the love department. I told her it was weird because most of my relationships fail because I compare the relationship we had to my new ones. None of them ever size up. She said she has done the same with her relationship. She called it "Young love". She proposed that neither of us might ever have that same feeling again. I tend to agree. We laughed, we fought, we screamed, but we always loved. She and I were inseparable for almost 15 years. I couldn't have asked for more. Oh........ and sometimes on occasion, I go to San Antonio College to ride that elevator, and although she is not there, a ghostly shadow always stands there with me. I ride, and I remember.

Tell me your stories of young love!

Legacy

The scene is set. In 2 days the anniversary of the most precious entity to ever enter my crazy life comes to pass. My son, whose name is John Camron was born. As a father I sometimes feel I failed him. Maybe I didn't try hard enough, maybe I was self consumed. I worked harder than ever I knew. I worked to keep what was mine, and I had a plenty. I had it all, I had a huge home, 3 luxury cars, a beautiful wife, a beautiful son. So I worked.... and I worked....... and I earned. If I was in the mafia they would have vouched "ya that Coby's a good earner".

Something was missing and as I have stated before here I lost it. To another who undoubtedly appreciates it far less than ever I would. So here I am left with memories that tug and pull. On the upcoming 8th anniversary of my son's birth I sit and reflect as I do often. I remember the day as if it were yesterday. I sat with my wife in front of a compassionate oncologist, you see I don't think i have stated this here before, but I had cancer, and a very bad one at that. I was 31 years old. I was only married 2 years. We sat there and were told I had six months to live, and they didn't say live they said to "get my affairs in order" Literally they told me this. You see I had a very rare form of cancer called Leiomyosarcoma. Life expectancy of less than a year from discovery.

Words like "no cure", "Palliative therapy", "Comfort", "Investigational reasearch" MD Anderson, Memorial Sloane Kettering. Those words are and were real for me. The whole time this occurred is a bit of a blur in my life that seems like it was not real at all. I don't ever speak of it really, not even to those that love me. It is something that is personal, but I died many years ago at least in theory. Because when a doctor writes you off you really feel it is over. My father the rock of the family, had driven me in tears. from a fateful talk with Rohit Kapoor a well known oncologist/hemotologist.I had never seen my father cry. That doctor actually cried in front of my father and I, and assured us he would fight this death sentance, with all of his education and his knowledge. I am thinking I am dead. My wife was alone and shattered, and yet she never ran, she stayed. So no later indiscretion could ever outweigh that in my mind. She was only 25 years old, a soon to be widow. yet she stayed I reacall a memory I never speak of. One, of my sisters, Patti and Kathy, my beautiful sisters. You see we were the three inseperable souls, always together in tandem, always the three in succesion. We three sat in my Mother and Fathers front yard. IRemember the sun was out, it was bright. I felt numb, and yet I caught their eyes. I remember feeling each blade of grass touch me. They told me how much they loved me. they told me how much they would miss my laugh, my candor and my spirit, how I would always be with them. My sister Kathy is a Clinical Research Nurse. I asked her to make me a promise. It is a debt that I could never repay her for. I asked her to not allow me to suffer. I asked her to allow me to pass with dignity. you see I had researched my fate. I didn't want to waste away. She promised me she would take care of me. So my story continues..... I managed to bear 4 chemicals of chemo, I know them well. Adriomycin, Doxirubicin, Ifosfimide, and mesna. Curious how I remember that cocktail. Actually It was called the "Red Devil" I was isolated during infusion that was only increasing my life expectancy by 5 % , you see My life expectancy to 1 year was 15%. My cancer ratio was 1 in 44,000,000 yes that's 1 in 44 million to contract leiomyosarcoma. so if I survived past 1 year my odds were 1 in 6,600 cases. In any given year in the U.S. there are only 120 cases discovered. Impossible odds. My oncologist was an expert in sarcoma's and she had treated 7 sarcomatoid patients in 24 years. I was dead.

Well, long story short I suffered a full year of chemo of the worst kind. I beat unthinkable odds, astronomical odds, unfathomable odds. When I agreed for an extra 5% chance to live my trade off was sterility. 6 months after the go ahead to conceive we conceived. My son was a miracle. He was not supposed to be possible and yet he is here. I asked my ex wife later if he was mine, not out of spite, simply faced with facts and numbers, percentages that were unimaginable. She of course was outraged as I assumed she would be, but she swore her indiscretion was a first.

I don't ever need to ask that question again in my life. So here I am, alone with my thoughts and all I see is him. My angel, my life, my anchor. Divorce is ugly and it tears down, so what can i give him? I have given him all that I am. A different perspective, you see my Autistic son is more creative than ever I could wish to be. The Image above, if you have made it this far was done by my son when he was 4 years old. When I asked it's name he said only "Cocho". I could leave him nothing better in his life than the kaleidoscope eyes of his Father. I do love him so........more than anything in the world. Happy birthday son........Love daddy

Ok this is me.....Huh?

OK. So my sister calls me today and asks me if I am depressed. I answer, huh? Her reply? "It seems like you might be, considering what you post on your blog". My answer? Huh? The photo to the left was taken by me. I thought it was fun and interesting. The very long hairlike strands that are very thin and to the rear of me are actually an artificial plant. Everyone that See's it asks if I really had a mullet. My answer? Huh?

I can assure all of you out there in blog-land that I am not depressed. Huh? Sometimes I get a lil down, but I don't we all? My typical day is consumed by business, and as of the recent months helping care for my mom. It doesn't leave much time for anything else. Obviously through my post's it has affected my personal relationships with others. I can live with that. I am carrying a lot of emotional baggage right now, and it's a bit much for some. Some are ok with my baggage, which happens to be a signature series by the Warhol Foundation. Huh? I have a really weird, and funny side to me. Most people never get to experience that side. My sister does. As you can tell I have changed the music here to reflect that quirky side. I am drinking a nice glass of wine, and tapping my shoes. I consider myself an Artist, whether I am or not is irrelevant. I am curious, different, confident, passionate, quirky, and funny. I am not depressed. Huh?

You see, before I started this blog I wrote quite a bit. I love writing poetry. My blog page took over the physical writing. Sometimes I forget that this is public. It however will not stop me from being genuine here. I love my sis and I hope she is over reacting. I love my adult beverages as they enhance my creative being. I am not an alcoholic. Huh? All the women that do not embrace or appreciate my warhol baggage for some odd reason continue to be great friends with me. Telling me things like "I just adore ya too much to get involved". Huh? Then I say what the....? Huh? I do have a nutty side, a side that likes to dance to techno, and eat pretzels with jelly. I have scrolled down and re-read some of my previous posts. Shit! I am depressed! Huh? lol. Welcome to the spaced out world of a completly bizarre yet subtley mild individual!

Hope

Sometimes I think I think too much. I sit, I think, I move, I think. A friend reminded me today that maybe I just think too much. Think about things way too much. Why over complicate things? There is so much out there to do, So much to see, and experience. Sometimes things just jump out at you. So what if you don't get everything you seek. Be yourself, be happy. Being genuine is golden. Something caught my attention today. as weird as I am it could have been a drop of water on a leaf. All I can say is it caught my attention. I am not the type to take the first step. I am going to change that. Out with the old in with the new.

I took this photo, and at the time I felt it was a good reflection of a happier time. I really guess photography is art isn't it?

Meltdown

So I sit, So hastily I tilt the glass to the winners in life.
Begrudging them, Those of you that trounce, with glee.

Those of you that refuse , refuse to see. Inside the cracks inside deep.
Dare you not to take that majestic journey into your own soul. To stare it in the face.

The ultimate mirror to either accept or deny. There I sit watching, dreaming, wanting.
The reflections of life's conquests that will never be.

Tattered and beaten my angry soul cries. Truth not known tugs it pulls, only to die.

So the lonely note persists. The only one I know. The ugly stench of failure. The safety of the unknown.

White-wash and cover, is the defense I find, and seek. The old taste of life's failures make my life seem bleak.

Oh so grey and monotone my life has become. I walk and observe, and I see love in the world with envious eyes that pierce the lucky with spiteful anger. You see I never have known true peace, true harmony, only jealous respite.

For myself and those like me, we know only one way. The hollowness that begs to be filled. So we fill it up and we drink it down with words like hope.

But you see hope is dead to me in all its forms. My mind creates pallets of color that I can only imagine. Pain is my friend and steady as she goes the pain never seems to let me down. The world however is a much different place. A place that is scary, and foreboding. My pain is real at least for now. It sticks and stabs at the soft tissue down below.

So softly I hear a piano's moan. It moans for me and only me.
One day I will be free, free from this prison that my own brilliant mind has created. For my own brilliance imprisons me.

If only.........If only.

As the time draws near..........

The music you are currently listening to is beginning to seep inside. I am about to begin another series of projects for an upcoming opening planned for the First Friday in September. San Antonio Texas has a monthly event in The Arts district Called 1st Friday. Patrons of the arts of all types gather and view crafts, listen to musicians, and at the core of it all are the Exhibits in roughly 16 galleries grouped very close to one another. My new series will be highlighted in one of these galleries named Loft 120.

So the preparation of my soul begins. Included in roughly 20 paintings that are as of yet undone will be 2 works that will never see the gallery walls. I will ship them to their prospective owners upon completion. I intend to chronicle through photos and video the insane process I go through to create . It will be painful at times to view or gaze upon. I am getting into a terribly risky mindset, but it is a mindset that I must enter to truly do that which I do. I want unabashed honesty and pure emotion to flow through my hands. Music, and to be specific Nine Inch Nails has always been the conduit to my inner sanctum. Only 1 other person has ever known what lies beneath the surface. I hope now there will be another.

I recently met a professional photographer whose work is absolutely amazing. She is a true Artist in every sense of the word. She captivates me with every word that exits her mouth. Utterly interesting in every facet. She is beautiful, she is published nationally, yet it's her inner beauty that I find affinity with. She and I are completely similar. I have asked her to assist me in my current project, and she accepted. Our collaboration may rise birth to something incredible. Something that breakthroughs are made of. I am happy to share this with all of you. Stay tuned..................................

Prototype

So I am in the process of creating a few pieces for a few friends. Here is a prototype of a canvas I am doing for a wonderful acquaintance. I hope I do her justice. In it's final stage it should be quite large I expect. Creating this mock up brought quite a bit of joy to me. I believe it captures a certain spirit of happiness. So far I am quite pleased. I am sure it will morph a bit before I cement it into its completeness. I will stay along this general path. I usually do not do anything so painstaking. As most of you have witnessed here I work very fast. This piece has me being quite careful and meticulous. I am enjoying it in its entirety. The subject matter is quite beautiful. I am working from a rather small digital image, so its very interesting to interpret it in my own way. I hope it meets the approval of the subject.

A Month of Purging

This piece is entitled "Honesty" It is a furious piece. It just might the best I have ever done. Definitely a rage piece. I remember the night I created it like it was yesterday. I had an opening to prepare for, and I had the arduous task of completing 25 pieces in 30 days. I accomplished the goal. What came out of that month was like soul vomit. I spoke to a friend today and she made the comment " Talk about pressure!" It may seem strange but in that month my studio looked like a homicide scene straight out of the movies. I drank more alcohol then I think I ever have in my life.

It was a purging month. It was a dark month. I revelled in the solitude that my canvases provided me. They were my lovers, my friends, my life. I wish I could rewind and stay in that mode forever. In that mindset there was no guilt. The guilt and self punishment came out like an oil-strike. I became a being that I always desired to be. I was an artist. A pained one at that.

I felt what the likes of Van Gough felt. I always thought about what the greats must have felt as they created masterpieces. I am no master but I think I had the same form of gratitude when it was all said and done. Hanging that first piece is a feeling I will never in my life forget. It was better than any sex I have had in my life. It was better than the best meal I have ever eaten. Most of the people at my 1st opening didn't even know I was the artist. Not for at least an hour. What a beautiful anonymous hour that was. I sat with a glass of wine or maybe three, and I watched them. I watched them mingle and whisper, and contemplate.

Then the strangest thing happened. My promoter Kelly came over to me and handed me a sold placard. Then it began, one after another the placards started to be placed. I remember feeling both happy and sad. Happy that I made some money, but very sad indeed. A huge part of my soul would be leaving that space without me attached. One by one they came down, and I remember feeling bad as I saw them wrapped. I remember hoping that the new owners would love them as much as I did. I still wonder about that. It's nice to know that a piece of me will live on forever if taken care of properly. I hope my legacy is one of perseverance, and strength. I can't wait to get my canvases in. I can't wait to get that feeling that only a birth mother knows. I can't wait to bear my soul once again. It's coming soon. And I can't wait!

Playing around!

I was just playing around with some simple Ideas and thinking of a wonderful friend of mine that I just adore "D", and out popped this lil number. She may never truly know how I feel about her. Maybe thats best. I rather like it a lot. Tell me what you think?

Let me know what emotions it brings to mind.

Girl In A Coma!

You will have by now noticed that I changed the music on my page. All the songs here are performed by a local San Antonio trio of young women Named Girl In A Coma. I have seen them in dive locations more times than I can remember. They were signed by Joan Jett's record label, Blackheart records. They have been touring the US and Europe for some time now. I have drank Lone Star beer with these wonderful gals, and can tell you that they are coming home on August the 2nd and I cant wait! They are destined for greatness. They are fresh, raw, and real!

So, blogger's? who is your favorite up and coming band?

From time to time here on my little blog I jump away from pictures of sexy women and canvases. Today I was looking through my archive of Show invites, and ran across this one. Kettle Art is a beautiful gallery in Dallas TX. I have seen many exhibits there.

The Image made me think of my horrific experience at the pump today. $63.00 to fill my tank! My god was I pissed! How the hell did we as a country allow this to happen? I have friends that literally cannot afford to drive to work daily. San Antonio Texas is a large city geographically. Usual round trips to and from major work centers are 65 to 80 miles.

I am lucky that I live pretty close to the community that I sell homes in.

Senator Phil Graham had the audacity to suggest that we were in a mental recession? What a pompous fool! He probably hasn't been to a gas station in 40 years. I tell you what, America needs to wake up and smell the coffee. John McCain will send this country further down the downward spiral!

What is the general consensus out there on the present gas situation? Let it all hang out!

Lindi

A small example of a two year old piece that I am proud of. I wish I was a better technical artist unfortunately I am not. No real explanation here except an incredibly beautiful subject! This was a very interesting sitting.

Yellow Part 2

I have uploaded the song Yellow to my page. This lil tyke embodies that song for me. The words so perfectly describe my love for him as though I sing them myself. I hope you enjoy!

Yellow

Hello again bloogers. Once again it is shameless self promotion time! lol, but seriously how many photo's can one guy have that include beautiful women and canvas?
The above mentioned painting is titled "Yellow" Although the picture doesn't show it very well the hue of the paint is Gold Patina. It was extremely difficult to work with. You may have noticed the name CAMRON in the center. That happens to be my son's name. I
love him dearly, and wanted to do a piece for him. Why not name it Camron? Well the word yellow is painted just below the yellow amoeba looking thingy in the center. Why yellow? My sons favorite song when he was about 3, the last year I spent together in my home with my son, was a song titled "yellow" by Coldplay. He would stand and watch the video and just dance to it. It is a beautiful memory I have of a family life lost. I decided to immortalize it on canvas. I hope I did my Lil man justice!

Happy Independence Day

A Beautiful Rendition of our Flag By Jasper Johns

May you all have a wonderful Holiday!

Hey theres a painting behind me!!

Hello out there in blog land. Man has there been allot of stuff happening in the world lately or what? The picture to the left was taken just yesterday. I am posting it because I am proud to say that I am losing weight by the pounds! Getting back to a better diet has really been a rough thing to do. I have managed to keep up the regimen.



My sister teases me to no end about how my weight fluctuates. For the last 2 months I have been eating healthier and more often believe it or not! I have found that if I buy a subway Italian sub at 10 am (foot long) and have it sliced 6 ways I can eat it all day long stay content and my weight is increasing as my inches are decreasing. I exercise daily now. Not Hulk Hogan exercise but push ups and sit ups.


What works for everyone else?

Jean Michel Basquiat

My blogger buddy Riot kitty reminded me of my hero. Jean Michel Basquiat (pronounced Ba-skee-ot) .

In his short life (1960-1988), Jean-Michel came to personify the art scene of the 80s, with its merging of youth culture, money, hype, excess, and self-destruction. And then there was the work, which the public image tended to overshadow: paintings and drawings that conjured up marginal urban black culture and black history, as well as the artist's own conflicted sense of identity

The picture above is a classic example of his work. Vibrant, raw, and real. He lived what I would consider, despite his untimely demise, the perfect life for an artist. Freedom to express without reprisal. Although Jean Michel was used, and manipulated, he did things his own way. At the height of his popularity He received a ridiculous commission request from Leona Helmsley, A famous New York Real estate Magnate.

He was given $1,000,000 for one piece as yet undone. Her only request was to be able to watch him work on it briefly. Jean Michel took her commission. He set up his studio for her. He catered to her immense wealth, which he loathed. he allowed her to view his work in progress, which consisted of an enormous raw canvas. He made a very bold statement . He simply splashed blue paint on the canvas and commenced to urinate on it. Across its middle he scrawled in bold letters the word PIG That was it, nothing more. he collected his money and Ms. Helmsley owns that piece to this day. It's worth? Curators speculate it would draw $10,000,000 if ever sold. Even by making a slap in the face statement to the "Art World" In the end Jean Michel was simply sold out. Rest in peace my hero!

A partial view of "Wintermint"

Another one of my paintings that I really like is pictured above. This one was really vibrant and had alot going on in it. Wintermint was a filler piece for my Opening. By "filler" I mean that I painted it solely to fill space needed. I Drank half a bottle of wine and 30 minutes later, with the help of my ever present Ipod She was born! I surprised myself with the final product. This is one of the only paintings I have done recently That I did not completely revamp during the process. She was as she was. The woman pictured is a friend of mine named Shannon. She owns a lil watering hole I frequent named Spanky's. The ghost figure is me of course!

When the Desire to create ends.

For so long now I have existed on self depravity. My painting has never been better. Only my family can truly know how it is that I operate. For 3 years I have been stuck in a world of self loathing, self indulgence, self manipulation Denial. Painting is my passion and although it is not my business I consider it to be. Business has been good. My spouse of 9 years, and companion of 15 years had an affair in late 2003-2004. It was more than I could bear. I have a beautiful 7 year old son as a result of this union. I adored this creature with all the love my heart could ever muster. In all those years I was a different person. I was a businessman with lofty goals and plans. I loved my son and my wife and they loved me.

Something happened in the end years as we drifted apart. The answer to that question is not one that I have not been able to answer even up to today. So the chapter of gloomy days begin. Out of these dank and depressive days came a thunder of absolute beauty. Can something so ugly beget beauty? For a month or so you have seen what my anger and fury bore. Nothing has been so all encompassing as the angst that I have slung onto defenseless canvases. Never once in our relationship did we ever go to blows and now as those canvases laid before me I hit swung with ineptitude or cause for damage. it was as though the canvases represented her. I dare not say her name although it is emblazoned forever beneath my skin never to disappear until such time that I deem. In trances of chaos and fury beauty like a phoenix arose. Sometimes I would finish a piece and be in a state of utter exhaustion.

I have had numerous compliments on these pieces, selling many. No one really knows what they meant to me. They are my anger, my hate, my spite, my abandon. How many more are buried inside is any one's guess. I can tell you all this. I read all of your blogs, I appreciate them all. I wanted to give insight into those pieces as they are analyzed. Will there be more? I am in a good place now. my need to abuse canvas has for now anyway run its blistering course. Who knows what happiness brings. But the painting above is a bit more cheerful and might reflect an new chapter in my work. I share these thoughts with you today not to expose myself, but to close a chapter that should have been closed long ago.