Saturday, April 7, 2012

So I am here. filled with dread, The most precious of my creations loves me , my canvas' love me. My family loves me......The world loves me......But do I love me? I think not. I begrudge myself like nobody else alive. Realization sets in....My camera will never shoot images that will be on LIFE magazine. My son will probably never see me past age 55....My life is slowly dwindling to it's end. What have I acomplished other than to shatter dreams and hopes? It is a question I ponder tonight.

I photographed this in 2007

Friday, March 23, 2012

What A Crazy World we live in

Yes I do! In all Honesty I always have. Looking in places I thought you might be. Searching...Always searching...Not a day went by I didn't think "I wonder what she's doing, I wonder where she is". For some odd reason you always drove our car. I always rode shotgun. You never wanted to pay tolls either! I remember your beautiful white bikini, and how I would marvel at the tone of your skin in the sun, bronze, and glistening in the bright light of the sun that could not outshine you. I remember your swatch watch, your nimble fingers and how fantastic your nails looked when painted burgundy.

Where you were all these years I do not know, but I want to! I love our talks like you can't imagine. The Picture to the right was painted by Andy Warhol in 1984 Three full years before we met and yet here it is as a symbol of how I felt then , and now. 25 years later and I love you as much now as I did then, maybe more. Yes More!

I know i slack from time to time in writing here but when I do I make certain one thing rings true! I love you!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Sunday Sunday

I love Sunday's 
I didn't always love Sunday's 
Sometimes I "liked Sunday's
When I would take care of my mom on Sunday's I Loved being with her
A long time ago, I always worked on Sunday's
Today I love Sunday's because Sunday
is one day closer to you!
See ya tomorrow ~

Thursday, January 26, 2012


True love comes but a mere once in life.  At a time when calamity and sadness have filled my life in walked the most beautiful creature ever did I see.  I am dumbfounded and punch drunken at the thought of what has appeared before me.  never in a million years would I have been able able to pen a more perfect script.  However it ends up I am thankful you are here.  

    I have and will love you always more now than ever before if that's even possible.  I am a different man today than the one you knew then.  A better man than ever I was.  Dance with me tonight in my dreams.....  

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

"Virginia is for Lovers"

    In the annals of time it can be said that love ever elusive as she is, is a son of a bitch. This last year has been one fraught with unbearable milestones in my my life. My mother passed away on December 16th 2011. My mother was woman. In every sense of the word. Caring, Loving, fiercely defensive of her children. I loved my mother more than I have ever loved anything. Her passing was not a shock, however nothing could have ever prepared me for the greatest loss of my life.

     I speak of love here often, as you all know....I have not been graced with life's greatest treasures...or have I? In my 45 years of life I have had 3 great loves....This I know above all to be true...Love never dies...Heather was the 1st, as I have written here we were a mere 16 years of age until I joined the US Navy we were together the two of us. I loved her with all that my young soul could muster. We all know about Melinda......My dear Melinda Mother of my most precious gift Camron, my beautiful boy, my lineage, my birth right, my namesake.

     In between there is a shadow of a woman that I have never mentioned here before. The type of woman that with a glance would make your heart skip a beat. The type of woman whose laugh would melt your very being. The type of woman that any man would fall head over heels in love with, and coddle for an eternity. For more years than I can count I searched for this poignant part of my past. I always claim that my score with love is Coby 0 love 100. I never seem to win in love. But looking back maybe I am the luckiest fella on this planet. I take you back to 1988 a young sailor on a Saturday night out to a nightclub in Virginia Beach Virginia. I remember her like it was yesterday.
     The club's name was September's. I saw her there dancing...... with another fella at that! In a form fitting tube type dress with semi wide shoulder straps.....It was navy blue and white horizontal stripes. Her very visage struck me straight away. I knew I had to have her, I had to speak to her, this beautiful vision before me. I was never afraid of women but shy would be an under-statement. Tina and I were lucky enough to experience a whirlwind love affair. I fell for her immediately. within 6 months we were married. Yes married I said. Truly the love of all loves was now my wife at the ripe old age of 20, I a mere 21. I was but a year older. Tina was my world for a short time until youth captured the both of us and did to us what youth always does....Tears you apart. I could go on forever on what I remember of our short time together. Just the thought of her name haunted me my entire life. What if? What if I hadn't been such a young asshole? What if I had been a strong man at such a young age and defied statistics? What if..........

    My entire life through relationship after relationship I searched for Tina. I cannot remember a time or year or even a minute that I didn't look for her. Many times coming quite close to finding her. So close.....but always eluding me was that shadow of a woman I loved with more of my soul than ever I gave away. The advent of the internet led me on the treasure hunt of a lifetime....Literally a lifetime. I found Tina on facebook about a year ago.

     I spoke with her today. Funny how I always speak of Serendipity here. I actually "heard" her voice today. I cannot describe what I felt at that moment. I wish it would have lasted forever. I was drunk in her voice. It was just as I remembered. We spoke as though we had never had a 23 year gap in there. we spoke with ease and for 45 minutes I was in heaven again. Tina, I never stopped loving you. My family would attest to the fact that although beauty has always found me, I always wanted you....The most beautiful of them all, My Tina, my soul-mate. I know you are my soulmate because my soul has never relinquished your memory from itself. I love you today as though you and I never separated and ultimately divorced. Those earthly terms don't apply in this case. I long to hear your voice again. I will hear your voice again this I know. Two souls connected can never part, and in this lifetime I will have you once more. It's a dream I be continued......"When two worlds collide a miraculous birth occurs" Stephen Hocking.